By the time we found our perfect time slot, I’d been waiting to date my husband for 23 years. No really, we’d tried date days and date nights, even morning weekday coffee dates, but nothing ever stuck. Life was always too busy and our work schedules ridiculously incompatible. It felt impossible and I was getting frustrated. So last year we had a family meeting and decided that not dating just wasn’t an option for our marriage. We needed a guaranteed (no cancellations allowed), weekly time and place that was just for us. Time to talk in-person and face to face, no cell phones involved. Time to argue, laugh at something stupid, hash out family logistics or discuss absolutely nothing. Trust me the bar wasn’t high, we were just desperate for quality time. Our BFF status was in serious jeopardy.

Not gonna lie, the first few rounds were pretty awkward. We’ve all heard absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I’m here to confirm that’s a load of crap. Absence in a relationship only creates questions and doubts, leaving you with a dwindling hope and fear that the pieces are too broken to fit back together. As hard as it was to admit, we were horribly out of touch and out of practice. We had the whole “family responsibility” routine down pat, but dating or even just hanging out…well, we were rusty and it showed. But awkward or not we’d committed, so off we went to our favorite local bistro. Lucky for us it’s the perfect spot for all those romantic, Saturday morning feels, and let’s face it, we needed all the ambiance we could get.

The setting was perfect, but I couldn’t believe how nervous I was. It made me realize how far off we’d gotten. Seriously how in the world were we going to make this work again and even more importantly, were we already too late? My head started to spin and just when I felt the anxiety really kick in, our eyes connected and I realized he was as bad off as I was. A shared laugh and (yet another) round of lattes, helped us power through. Highly caffeinated we checked the box on our first date and headed back home. It hadn’t been as easy as we’d hoped, but it was a start and that’s all that mattered. Things didn’t improve right away, but week after week we stuck with our plan, kept our schedules clear and headed out the door for our Saturday morning date. It took work on both sides, but after awhile the conversation wasn’t so stilted, we slid into a groove and finally found ourselves truly enjoying each other’s company again. We were back and it felt amazing!

We managed to get in 6 whole dates when Covid hit and the shut down began. Except this time around we weren’t about to let anything stand in our way. Our Saturday date mornings were on, pandemic or not. We simply moved them to the back porch and gave our daughter instructions. She was only allowed in the vicinity of our date space if the house was on fire or one of us needed a coffee refill. Which is right around the time we realized the backyard was in desperate need of a redo.

Of course in total honesty, I wouldn’t be painting the full picture if I didn’t admit to a bad case of mom guilt, especially in the beginning. Thanks to crazy work schedules, Saturdays are our only family day and cutting into that time just didn’t feel right. My hesitancy (and guilt) remained until our daughter emphatically reassured me that she much preferred the post-date version of her mom and dad. Apparently we were coming home happier and less likely to argue. Hmm…guess we weren’t fooling anyone, even my kid knew we needed date days. Ultimately the whole experience served as a great reminder that our relationship was highly visible, whether we liked it or not. Kids may not be old enough to fully grasp all the stresses and pressures of grown-up life, but they sure know enough to appreciate a happy mom and dad!

Two years and lots of dates later, my BFF and I are going strong again. We still fight (cause hello - marriage), but these days the arguments don’t last long and it’s so much easier to bounce back. It’s true what they say, good marriages don’t just happen, no matter how much love you share. Fighting for each other and not just with each other is definitely key. Truth is, if you don’t make your marriage a priority no one else will. It’s unfortunate, but most things in today’s culture and life in general tend to pull families apart, not push them closer together. 

So consider this a bit of encouragement from someone who’s been in the trenches. Whether you’ve been married a year or that 25th anniversary is just around the corner, it’s never too late to recommit and reconnect. I can pretty much guarantee it’ll be awkward in the beginning; especially if you wait as long as we did, but do what you have to and get that weekly date on the calendar. I promise you won’t regret it.